Understand Your Man

Oh yes, dolls. It’s true, and proven time and time again: women are from Venus and men are from Mars. It’s no wonder that the differences between how men understand relationships and how women interpret them seem to be an unfolding tale of every romance.

The fact remains that men and women do differ from each other not just biologically but emotionally, and we see that in what they want from each other. Girls and boys are treated differently as they grow up both by their parents and by what society expects from them. So what a man wants in a romance and what women wants in the same relationship is a reflection of these factors. Here’s some insight into how men and women have varying expectations from each other in a relationship.

Emotional Intimacy: Basically, little girls are taught to talk through their problems, but little boys are taught to be the problem solver. This sets the stage for them as they grow older. The primary desire of women in their relationship with men is to share and be accepted. Men can be a little wary of this. Feeling emotionally intimate means that someone is so comfortable and trusting that he or she can share everything with the other. She can tell him her weaknesses, her fears, and her doubts and still feel sure of his regard for her. A man often finds it difficult to open himself to someone so completely. Usually, after the relationship grows, he can feel more comfortable in being so trusting.

Women who do not find emotional intimacy in their relationship and look outside of it are more likely to leave their partner because this is of such great importance to her. When a woman complains of poor communication in her relationship, she usually means a lack of emotional intimacy.

Physical Desirability: Physical attraction draws both men and women to each other, but it is stronger in men than women. It shows how powerful the man is to be able to attract a good looking person. Women are drawn to a good looking man as well, but it is not as paramount as it is with men. For women it is his accomplishments and potential that are more important. This also relates to the next factor that affects the attraction and that his is ability to protect her.

Protection: Women want to be protected in their relationship. She sees that as one of the benefits of being together. Men agree with this and feel that their responsibility in a relationship is to protect his wife and their children. As boys men are taught to solve problems, and problem solving is a skill many times he will bring to the relationship.

Power: Women are attracted to men with power. It is seen from the halls of government to the office structure to any where that men and women work together. In some ways, it relates to a woman’s need to be protected by a powerful man, but in other ways it raises her self esteem for such a man to fall for her.

Commitment: The sign that things are working well is when a couple commits to one another. This for some is complex because of previous romances that turned out badly or for some reason that the person cannot emotionally make the promise of commitment. It is, however, the ultimate way to say you are special, you are the only one for me, and I pledge my love to you.

Written by Rona Subotnik
Rona Subotnik is a marriage and family therapist in Palm Desert, California, and co-author of the best-selling book Surviving Infidelity and of  Infidelity On The Internet. She is also the author of Will He Really Leave Her for Me? Why Did He Cheat On Me? ronasubotnik.com