Temptations of a Single Woman05.30.11
Cotton Candy knows you’re a smart woman – successful in your own way in the world, living a balanced life, with a supportive circle. But when it comes to men, single women often are tempted to make choices that they know will not result in healthy relationships. Have you fallen for the commitment phobic, the emotionally unavailable, or the guy who was simply not that into you? Many of us have. That’s why Cotton Candy got the help of renowned therapist and prolific self-help author Nina Atwood to help identify and resist three top temptations in the dating world that may be keeping you from finding real love.
Temptation No. 1: Getting Sexual Too Soon
This desire is – hands down – one of the strongest temptations for single women. For most women, having sex is an emotionally bonding event. The closeness following sex is driven by the release of oxytocin, a powerful female hormone that facilitates bonding. Men do not necessarily have the same experience following sex with a new partner.
The problem with this scenario is that it puts you in an emotionally off balance position, wanting more than he is ready to give. Over time this may lead to diminishing self-esteem. Having sex too soon means the choosing is over for you and the chasing is over for him, often resulting in the loss of what could have been a wonderful relationship.
Ladies, pace your relationship. The result is courtship, one of the most emotionally satisfying stages of a relationship. This also gives you time to uncover his true character – an essential step that is lost with sex too soon.
Temptation No. 2 : Loving the Wounded Guy
Women can be tempted to fall for the wounded man. But love is not one person in a position of superiority trying to rescue the other person. Love is a two-way street between two people who genuinely love and respect one another, share each other’s values and contribute to one another’s lives. Before delving into a serious relationship with someone who has deep emotional wounds, the healthiest step is to allow the other person to heal and become whole so that you so that the relationship does not begin with emotional strains.
Temptation No. 3: Denying Your True Desires
Some women fear that by expressing their true desires for love, commitment, marriage and family, they will scare off men. But by having a clear vision of the qualities you desire in a man, you will attract the right kind of guy. Learn to have open, honest communication– minus the games. If he’s commitment minded, he will appreciate your clear expectations as long as you learn to date to have fun and not just to find a husband.
Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a licensed therapist, nationally known expert, and author of four self-help books, including her latest work: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid.