Love & Relationships

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

10.20.11 two red roses isolated on white

Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of dating is knowing when someone is truly into you. It’s tricky at times to recognize if a date was successful or not.  Even as things develop, determining whether this chemistry is a sign of a perpetual relationship or a just momentary sentiment can prove to be arduous.  However, there are solid indicators that provide insight into these fledging encounters.  Cotton Candy contributor and New York City therapist Irina Firstein explains how in this ever-changing dating landscape you can recognize the characteristics of a true, blossoming relationship.

No. 1 Keeping in Touch
A man who cares about you keeps in touch – often.  His interest will serve as a fuel and will drive him to keep a connection with you. And he will want you to feel the same.  A man who desires your affection does not want you to forget him. He will not only text but call, especially if you prefer talking to texting, emailing or messaging. An infatuated man will want to hear your voice.

No.2 Face-to-Face Contact
Men who desire a relationship with you make a point to see you frequently.  For example, if a man goes on a trip, he will call and make plans as soon as he returns – and should be calling from his trip as well.  He generally will make plans to meet you ahead of time rather than text at the last minute. It’s is only natural for men to want to see and be with women they care for and are attracted to.

No. 3 A Desire to Know You
Men with genuine interest in you will want to know as much as possible about you. He is interested in several aspects of your life – even if they are not his general interests.  A man looking for a relationship will ask questions, listen with interest, and refuse to be distracted by his phone or people around him. A great indicator of genuine interest is the intent look into your eyes as you talk – showing true concern for what you are saying.  He will remember what you tell him. He enjoys himself when listening to you.  When talking about himself, he tries to look good and impress you.

No. 4 Details Matter
In life, the little things do matter – especially in a relationship. A man who is seeking a relationship with you will want you involved in the details of his life.  Eventually, he will want you to meet his friends and close siblings.  He’ll want to sacrifice time, energy and resources, which includes spending money on you.  A man will pick up the check, show signs of chivalry and will make an attempt to impress you because he feels you’re worth it.


Written by: Irina Firstein, LCSW

Irina Firstein is a relationship therapist in New York City. She has practiced in Midtown Manhattan for more than 20 years. She works with individuals and couples.

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