Love & Relationships

Are You Dating the Wrong Guy?

02.13.11 Couple_Rose_2

Ever wonder if the guy you are dating is into you?  Perhaps you’re trying to decide if this one is the One.  You desire that long-lasting relationship you’ve been dreaming about for years, but just how do you know if you’re wasting time with the wrong guy or even if you’re settling?

Well ladies, there are ways to answer all these questions, and Cotton Candy talked with psychologist, relationship expert and author Dr. Diana Kirschner who has helped thousands of women find true love.  Dr. Kirschner provides this simple quiz adapted from her new book Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love to help get the answers that you need.  Simply, give your man one point for each characteristic which you find true. Remember to be honest with yourself.  Once you’ve taken the quiz, read on to find out if you’re dating Mr. Right or Mr. All Wrong.

No 1. He’s eager to see you.

No 2. He’s reluctant to leave you.

No 3. He wants regular consistent contact, asks for dates.

No 4. He’s interested in you and your life.

No 5. He wants to be helpful.

No 6. He’s verbally and physically affectionate.

No 7. He wants to be romantic with you.

No 8. He texts, e-mails, calls regularly.

No 9. He treats you like you are special; doesn’t really want to date others.

No 10. If you are casually dating others, he’s willing to hang in there for you.

No 11. He’s becoming more attentive and loving over time.

No 12. He’s becoming more open to sharing feelings and thoughts.

No 13. He’s becoming more open to sharing living space.

No 14. He’s more open to sharing his social life with friends and family members.

No 15. He says he loves you.

No 16. He says he wants a future with you and is taking actions towards that goal.

If you’re having doubts, ask your closest friends to help you. Now, it’s time to face the truth.

Score: 0-4

If your beau has a score of four or less, it probably indicates that he is just not that into you.
If he has a low score, but you’ve just started dating, you do not need to cut it off right away. A simple way to protect yourself from the “he’s just not into you” deadly dating pattern is to also date two other guys in order to avoid the out-of-control infatuation that comes with getting too physically and emotionally involved too soon.  If your No. 1 guy is into you, he will stay the course, and the relationship will blossom over time.

Score: 5-10

Now if the man you’re dating has scored between five and ten points then, he may have possibilities.  You need more time to feel out this person.  Pay attention to his characteristics, habits and traits to determine motives and intentions.  Don’t dismiss negative traits and qualities that you know are incompatible with you.  Over time you should see him improving in score.

Score: 11-16

Ok.  He scored 11 or more.  Not bad.  That could mean this person just may be the One.  Look for more of these qualities over time to make a clearer assessment.  But the outlook is for this relationship, seemingly, is a more positive one.

Bottom line. If you want to find the right person, look for a man who provides regular and consistent contact that gets better over time. You should find yourself continually surprised at how he fulfills your needs, and you should be appreciated and celebrated for who you are.


Dr. Diana Kirschner  is a frequent guest psychologist on the Today Show and author of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love, as well as of the popular book Love in 90 Days.  Dr. Kirschner was the feature relationship adviser in the PBS special Finding Your Own True Love.

Cotton Candy Magazine®